I am not making a difference

 

I am not making a difference.

These are the words that I uttered as I considered my future.

I was two years out of college, working outside of my degree field, when I decided to become a teacher.

While pondering my future path as an educator, I just knew that I would never utter those words again.

 

I am not making a difference.

The words formed and were spoken even though I didn’t want to say them.

I was sitting at my desk after a particularly tough day in my first year of teaching.

I was struggling to manage the class, and felt I was doing more harm than good.

I vowed not to say the words again.

 

I am not making a difference.

Here I was again repeating those words.

I sat in my office staring out the window.

Same feeling as when I was in the classroom.

I felt like I was saying the same things to the same students over and over again.

No conversation felt like it mattered.

 

I am not making a difference.

Students would come and go.

After a rough week, I felt like not a single word was heard.

And so as I said the words again, I knew I needed to alter them.

 

It may not seem like I am making a difference.

But I am.

Every word matters.

And each time I share words with a student, it IS making a difference.

 

Whether I realize it or not,

I am not making a difference.

 

Rich (@RACzyz)